I’ve been trying to write “the book” for a long time now. I’ve trashed it twice. The first time I got about half way through and hated it. Bye-bye book. The second time I got a little further along and submitted a portion for review by professionals. Start again. So a few weeks ago I had to do some soul searching.
Should I continue with this story that I feel God called me to write or should I quit writing altogether? If I keep writing and finish the book, only to have it be a giant NOTHING, will I have wasted all the resources, time and money, that I put into it? Because really, if this is a huge waste I’d rather give up right now and pursue some purpose that provides more immediate satisfaction – like finishing up that little mirror project I have in mind for my bedroom.
I was more discouraged and closer to throwing it all away than I’d ever been before when I prayed, “God, is this really “the thing” you want me to do?”
When I asked that question, and thought about what my calling apart from writing might be, I was at a loss.
Again I prayed, “God, I don’t want to waste my limited time here on earth. Please show me the answer.”
Should I stay or should I go? – Do you remember that silly jingle?
That very day, in my scheduled Bible reading, God answered my heart cry. Two times he answered.
- From Jeremiah 1 – God knew me before He formed me and He gave me the desire to speak His words to all. He has made me to speak with authority, words that will destroy and uproot, and then plant anew. Now I know this was a word relating to Jeremiah but it strongly resonated with me – A re-builder or renovator, making Old Things New.
- From I Thessalonians 1 – The Thessalonians were applauded by Paul because they were people who took God’s word to heart and had joy even in the face of great trouble, modeling their faith to others as beacons of God’s light – All throughout this writing process we’ve been besieged and beset (to use a couple of archaic words that professionals dislike) with so many painful family situations that it made me question how I could be a light to others. But God. It is His light that shines, not mine.
That night I received a third answer.
3. A dream but not a dream, and a clear voice saying, “Get up at 4:30 and write.”
God???If your dreams don't care you they're too small. Click To Tweet
Then one more confirmation. A fourth, because I’m a terrible self-doubter who needs as much affirmation as I can get!
4. I picked up the book, Chase the Lion, by Pastor Mark Batterson, and began to read. By the way, he personally gave me this book along with this card, about four months ago, but I didn’t start reading until now:
In the very first chapter Pastor Mark talks about God-given dreams and challenges us not to come to the end of our lives and regret that we’ve never pursued them. Oh my! I continued reading and I knew without a doubt that this book was indeed meant for me and that the timing was perfect.
Convicted, I prayed again. Please Lord,
Did I need any more confirmation to continue writing?”
What, you may ask, is the theme behind my book? In this book I want to share my experience, strength, and hope. How God released me from my shackles and set me free. How He delivered me from fear and shame. How He gave me a passion to share my hope with others so that they too can walk out their God-given purpose. All that, tied up in a work of fiction y’all – with maybe a dog or two thrown in for good measure.
Maybe I’ll reach a large number of people with this story, or maybe it will be only one (I think it will be at least a few more than that though since I write a blog and have a few faithful followers). But no matter how far the story reaches it will never be a “giant nothing” if God is in it. And I pray daily for God to give me the words because, though I am a fair writer, I’m not a great writer, but God says that with Him ALL things are possible.
So now what?
- I’ve been setting my alarm for 4:30 a.m. (at least five days per week) and I’ve been pressing in. I am a slow writer but I hope and pray that I’ll have a first draft done within six months. There, I’ve said it, and you can hold me to it.
- I’m rethinking my blogging schedule because blogging takes a LOT of time. Especially since more than half my posts are picture and project driven.
- I’m praying about how to balance it all out. I won’t quit blogging completely because I would miss y’all too much (you are a huge part of the affirmations I need to push on) but there may be a slowing down and I know there is vacation/sabbatical coming.
I’ll be back next week with a fun homey post on Tuesday, and on Friday I’ll be sharing the results of my recent survey (y’all rocked that survey), and maybe I’ll have more insight as to the future of this here ol’ blog.
Until then, you’ll find me here on my porch, chasing lions.The size of your dream may be the most accurate measure of the size of your God. Click To Tweet
Blessings dear friend,
The Tweets in this post were either inspired by or came directly from this book. Click on the picture above if you’re interested in ordering a copy for yourself or another dreamer.
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