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Freedom Friday – The Lie of Perfectionism

February 19, 2016 by Patti 15 Comments

Perfectionism – Definition from Merriam-Webster:

  1.  a: the doctrine that the perfection of moral character constitutes a person’s highest good  b: the theological doctrine that a state of freedom from sin is attainable on earth                               
  2.   a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable                                                                                                             
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Welcome to FREEDOM FRIDAY – A devotional, emotional, spiritual and sometimes hysterical series that I will be sharing on occasional Fridays, in addition to my regular Old Things New posts. Why?  Because though once bound in chains Christ has set me free –  FREE to live, to love, to dance, to sing, to be who God created me to be!
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Perfectionism in and of itself is a lie, the impossible lie!  As one who had the big break up with perfectionism in the not too distant past it makes me JUST PLAIN MAD at the number of beautiful women, young and old, trapped in it’s ugly and destructive claws.  Scripture tells us that ALL have fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) and that Jesus is the only Perfect One (I John 3:5).

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The following is a list of things that the lie of perfectionism, or needing to appear perfect, suffers us to do:

  • It causes us to be fake, or someone we really aren’t, for fear of being found “less than” or lacking.
  • It keeps relationships shallow.
  • It promotes jealousy between women rather than support.
  • It leaves us feeling isolated.
  • It makes it hard to admit our faults to one another and to say those dreaded words, “I’m sorry.”
  • It makes us defensive toward those we love when they question us about anything.
  • It makes us controlling of our spouses and children because they must act perfect too as we somehow think that their less than perfect behavior reflects badly on us.
  • In the workplace . . . it causes undue STRESS as we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves or believe we must rise up to the unrealistic expectations of others.
  • In the church . . . it causes us to hide our faults rather than admit our faults to one another for healing (James 5:16).
  • In the neighborhood . . . it causes rifts between neighbors and pits our children against their children.

UGH!  Stop!  Enough already, right?

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The Bible (Matt. 5:48)  says, “Be holy as I am holy.”  What?  How can we ever be as perfect as God?  The Greek word – telios – mean to be completed, as we are in Christ.   Situationally we are cleansed and made perfect through Christ’s death on the cross.  Positionally, it is a process, this whole thing of “being transformed from glory to glory” (II Cor. 3:18).

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Perfectionism can become overwhelming when any of the following are added into the mix of our perfect lives: major life changes, financial issues, the demands of work or school, family issues, relationship problems, health problems, and overbooked schedules.

We try and we fail.  We become angry at ourselves for our failures (which stems from fear by the way).  Anger turned inward becomes bitterness, resentment, anxiety, depression, and self-hatred.  Ultimately, the stress caused by perfectionism can cause various emotional, behavioral and physical illnesses to manifest over time. 

Perfectionism is a prison!

Perfectionism imprisons us - Christ sets us free. Click To Tweet

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When we are trapped in the prison of perfectionism what are we to do?

Steps to overcoming Perfectionism:

  • Learn to say, “No.”  Take on only what is reasonable for you to do well (we are all different and have different levels of stress we can handle).
  • Do less better.
  • Dump the “all or nothing” mentality. – What things do you need to let go of to move forward?
  • Embrace mistakes or imperfections as learning tools.
  • Stop picking on yourself and accept yourself just the way God made you.  Anything less is questioning God.
  • Accept that there will be stops and starts along the way as life happens.
  • Accept that you are a work in progress and God isn’t finished with you yet.
  • Allow yourself to be human, even embracing your imperfections.
  • Laugh at yourself – I’ve found over the years that it is far better to laugh at my mistakes and give others a good laugh as well.
  • Realize that you can’t be a success at everything you do.  Becoming successful at one thing means being unsuccessful at another.  Simply put, you can’t do it all!
  • Remove what is irrelevant or unnecessary from your life.
  • Embrace your uniqueness in who God created you to be rather than trying to be what the world and those around you tell you you should be.
  • Be kind and compassionate to one another (Eph 4:32).  Be kind and compassionate to yourself.
  • Be willing to accept a ‘B’.  This is a really good one and a lesson taught in Freedom Session.  I’d go further and say to sometimes even be willing to accept a ‘C’.
  • Replace negative thoughts about yourself by meditating on who God says you are in Scripture, thereby transforming your way of thinking and your mind (Romans 12:2).  A complete list of Scriptures to meditate on can be found in a previous FF post right HERE.

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If you are one who struggles with perfectionism please don’t wait to get the help you need.   I’m certainly not PERFECT AT BEING IMPERFECT yet, because that too is a process, but the difference that a different attitude has made in my life and my marriage is remarkable.  Life can be so full and so enjoyable when we are able to be real and lighten up on the expectations we place on ourselves.  It is such freedom to finally rid yourself of those things that encumber you and weigh you down, to become the REAL you, the YOU that God created you to be.

God calls us to strive for excellence, not perfectionism. Click To Tweet

PRAYER:  Forgive us Lord for believing the lie of perfectionism and for the pride that we’ve clung to in our quest to attain it.  Thank you that you know every single imperfection and that you love us anyway – with a love that is everlasting.  Thank you that when we humble ourselves before you and admit our failures you delight in restoring us.  Help us Lord Jesus to CEASE STRIVING and KNOW that You are God over all our circumstances.

Blessings friends 😉

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I’ve been known to link up to the following great parties!!!
Sunday:

 TheDIYShowoff, LifeOnLakeshoreDrive, NiftyThriftyThings, SilverPenniesSundays, SundaysAtHome, RusticAndRefined, Spiritual Sundays, GiveMeGrace

Monday:
 IShouldBeMoppingTheFloor, TheDedicatedHouse, CarrieThisHome, Dwellings, ProjectInspired
InspireMeMonday, BetweenNapsOnThePorch, Making Your Home Sing Mondays, The Beauty in His Grip What Joy is Mine/Monday Musings, Darling Downs Diaries, The Art of Homemaking
Tuesday:
HomeStoriesAtoZ, AStrollThruLife, Elizabeth&Co, CoastalCharm, CozyLittleHouse,  NaptimeCreations, CedarHillFarmhouse, KatheWithAnE,
VMG206, TuesdaysAtOurHome,
TwirlAndTakeABow, TheWinthropChronicles,
Dream.Create.Inspire.Link, MeCoffeeAndJesus,Rich Faith Rising Unite Linky,Time Warp Wife,Solo Deo Gloria Sisterhood,Testimony Tuesday,Cheerleaders of Faith,Tell His Story
Wednesday:
SavvySouthernStyle, IvyAndElephants,
TheBlissfulBee, Posed Perfection, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Word Filled Wednesdays, A Little R & R, Whole Hearted Home, Mom’s Morning Coffee, Women with Intention, Coffee for Your Heart
Thursday:
ShareYourStyle, ImpartingGrace, EmbracingChange, HaveADailyCupOfMrsOlson, MyRepurposedLife, FromMyFrontPorchToYours, ADelightsomeLife, AKAWeekendRetreat,
KatherinesCorner, PrettyPreppyParty, YourTurnToShine, Serving Joyfully/Thriving Thursdays, The Deliberate Mom/Shine Blog Hop, I Choose Joy,  Live Free Thursday, Thought Provoking Thursday,
MakingBrokenBeautiful
Friday:
FrenchCountryCottage, MissMustardSeed, ThirtyHandmadeDays,TheShabbyNest, TheCharmOfHome, RootedInThyme,  TheDedicatedHouseAnythingBlueFriday,
  ShabbyliciousFriday, TheCreativeCollection, Christian Mommy Blogger Fellowship Fridays, Blessing Counters,Missional Women Faith Filled Fridays,Faith & Fellowship Bloghop, Grace & Truth Linkup, Grace&TruthSharingRedemption’sStories, Dance With Jesus, The Weekend Brew
Saturday:
FunkyJunkInteriors, 
OneMoreTimeEvents,  SaturdaySparks,
TheInspirationGallery, Still Saturday, Recommendation Saturday, Make My Saturday Sweet

 

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Filed Under: Christianity, Freedom, Freedom Friday, Freedom Session, God's Grace, Prayer Tagged With: Christianity, Freedom, Freedom Friday, Freedom Session, Prayer, The Bible

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Comments

  1. At Rivercrest Cottage says

    February 19, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    Well said. It’s so hard to let go of the ideal, but will be far more rewarding when I’m able to. Thank you for this inspiring post.

    Reply
  2. Carol Cook says

    February 20, 2016 at 12:14 pm

    When I went to grad school at 38 with a teenager and a 6 year old, I realized that I could no longer be “Super Mom”. I was substitute teaching during the day, going to classes at night and being a mom and I accepted the fact that I could not do it all.

    It was actually a “freeing” moment because I chose my children and husband over perfection. I will admit that the first time I bought cookies for a school event rather than making them was hard for me, but we all survived.

    Reply
  3. Cheryl Ann says

    February 20, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    Nicely said Patti…thank you for these lovely thoughts. Cheryl Ann

    Reply
  4. Barbara says

    February 20, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    AMEN

    Reply
  5. Cindy says

    February 20, 2016 at 11:55 pm

    Oh Patti! Simply! Beautifully! Perfectly said! Ha! Thanks so much for reminding me it’s ok! Not to beat myself up too much! Thank you!

    Reply
  6. Karen Del Tatto says

    February 21, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    Thank you for sharing this very insightful and edifying post!

    I never thought about all the ramifications of perfectionism. I liked how you broke it down to the damage it causes and the ways to free ourselves from it.

    I was especially struck by your comment that when we don’t accept ourselves, we are invariably questioning God.

    I’m so glad I stopped by here today. 🙂

    Reply
  7. Pam says

    February 21, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    Thanks, Patti, for this meaningful post about that pesky issue of perfectionism. It can be easy to fall prey to it when we live in this world of comparison. I will review this again!!

    Reply
  8. Michele Morin says

    February 22, 2016 at 7:49 am

    Accepting that B, being real, thanking God for the given — you’ve touched so many hot spots for me today. Thanks for wading into this deep water!

    Reply
  9. su says

    February 22, 2016 at 11:15 am

    I agree, and your examples are excellent. xoxo Su

    Reply
  10. Christine Duncan says

    February 23, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    Unrealistic expectations… oh yes, I know that one well. I love this reminder that I can cast all those things away that are tied to perfectionism because of my freedom in the only Perfect One!
    So glad I was introduced to your blog today, Patti, from the #RaRaLinkup!!!

    Reply
  11. Lux G. says

    February 24, 2016 at 2:11 am

    Sometimes we strive to reach other people’s expectations and try to be picture perfect. I think it’s due to the media’s influence.

    But we’re not perfect and therein lies our beauty. 🙂

    This is wonderful to read. Thank you.

    Reply
  12. Katie M. Reid says

    February 24, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    As a recovering perfectionist I get this! Thank you for sharing it on the #RaRaLinkup

    Reply
  13. Lisha Epperson says

    February 25, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Hi Patty! I behind with my comments but wanted to welcome you! Thanks for linking up with #GiveMeGrace! Your blog home is lovely. Can’t wait to look around!

    Reply
  14. Cindy says

    February 28, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    Beautifully written Patti! I especially wish I had understood more of this truth when my children were little; to enjoy my time with them and not worrying about what anyone else ever thought! Such freedom comes when we surrender; when we realize it is only by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ that we can become perfect in His sight and that’s the only perfection worth striving for. Such an amazing privilege in knowing the Lord paid the ultimate price because He loves this imperfect ole’ gal and I am so thankful!
    Blessings,
    Cindy

    Reply

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  1. Old Things New – Spring Bouquet in a Garden Urn says:
    March 1, 2016 at 8:18 am

    […] you read my post about The Lie of Perfectionism a couple of weeks ago?  Yeah well, I may have had to read that again myself before sharing my […]

    Reply

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OldThingsNew

I am Perfectly Imperfect Patti, daughter of the King, wife to the amazing Mr. OTN, mom to two grown daughters, a great son-in-law, and companion to two spoiled dogs. At Old Things New I share DIY’s, budget friendly home transformations, as well as posts about how God transforms our souls. I myself have been made new and I love to share what I’ve learned through WRITING and SPEAKING. To view a short Vimeo of “Our Story” (Mr. OTN and I) please follow the link at the top of the page.

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