This is not a typical post for me. I usually write about my thrift store exploits, re-purposing old items or painting old furniture. This post is about me trying to take this upper-side-of-fifty body of mine and turn back the cruel hands of time. Old Things New, right?
So, here’s the story. I was out shopping with a friend the other day and I tried on this really cute green, loose weave summer sweater.
The color was perfect, the fit not so much! You see, along with the ageing process has come this stuff around my middle section that is beginning to make me look just like my mother. Not that looking like my mother is a bad thing . . . just a little astonishing! I’ve always been fortunate enough to be able to keep my weight down (good genes) and have had a “highest allowable weight” that I’ve kept myself too. In recent months, the “highest allowable” has been exceeded. Not by a lot mind you, but enough that my clothes aren’t fitting so well. I must now squeeze myself into my jeans . . . hold my breath while I zip them up and then stand in wonder at the inner tube rolling over the top! Where in the world did that thing come from? Since I really DO NOT want to start buying a bigger pant size I really need to do something about this problem. So far I’ve just been wearing shirts with little sweaters that hide the roll, but summer has arrived and it’s getting warmer every day so that isn’t going to cut it for much longer.
So, I said to my shopping buddy, after trying on the sweater, “I love this sweater, even though it does kinda show off the rolls around my middle.”
To which she responded, “You can always wear Spanx.”
Spanx! That could be just the answer I was looking for!
Dieting hasn’t been working too well (all the eating out while moving my in-laws), exercise hasn’t been too regular (I injured my heel during the move and it isn’t healing well), life has been really stressful (I NEED comfort food)! Hmmm . . . does that sound a bit like I’m making excuses?
This just so happens to be my comfort food of choice.
Not only are they yummy but they have these nice little sayings inside.
Give myself permission to do what? Continue out of control? Continue making excuses? Ugh!!!
So off I went to Target today to find some body slimming undergarments. Before going any further I should tell you that this isn’t an ad for anyone’s slimwear. If it was it would be pretty poor advertising as you’ll see by the time I’m finished.
Now Target didn’t actually have the Spanx brand of slimwear but they had a whole wall full of choices. Upper body slimming, lower body slimming, whole body slimming, slimwear with and without bras . . .
I chose this little Maidenform number . . . obviously because of the picture of what I would look like when I put it on.
I headed off to the dressing rooms and this is where my shopping trip went awry! Have you ever tried on body slimming underwear? OH . . .MY . . .GOODNESS! I brought a small and a medium into the dressing room with me. According to the tag I was a small but I quickly learned that a small was impossible to even get over head! I didn’t THINK my head was that big! Next I went with the medium. After slipping each arm through the straps (by now I was beginning to sweat) I tried pulling the thing down over my body but it became all balled up and stuck across the top of by chest at the top of my armpits. It had me in a vise grip! I tried pulling it down. I tried pulling it up. It didn’t budge. As the sweat began to pour down my body and make things slicker I happened to glance down at my toes and notice that they looked a bit purple. Was it possible that this thing was cutting off my circulation?
Okay, I told myself, “Just breathe.” What were my options? I could call 911 from the dressing room, I could call to the salesperson to come in and scan the tag on my body so that I could pay for this thing, put my shirt on and go home (where I would cut it off ). But since neither of those options would leave me with a shred of dignity (and I really don’t like to be embarrassed) I decided to take a deep breath and start over. Instructions! Where were the instructions for getting into this garment? Nope . . . no instructions! Reaching my fingers beneath the tightly rolled up mess I began to tug down one little edge of fabric at a time and little by little, bit by bit it began to descend over my body, until finally, I was FREE!
Sooo . . . while in this new position of freedom I might as well put my shirt back on to see if these slimming things really work, right?
My oh my . . . was I surprised!
Not a bit of Pillsbury Doughboy, inner tubey, cinnamon rolly stuff hanging over the wasteband of my jeans!
Yureka! These things are great!
I bought two, one in black and one in beige. On the way to the checkstand I did take the time to send off a quick text chastising my shopping buddy for not letting me know that this type of shopping trip is not meant to be a solo endeavor. She sent me back a big LOL!
When Mr. OTN came home from work I asked him to take my picture in this little dress (one of my most unforgiving pieces of clothing). Without asking any questions he obediently followed me out to the deck for a photo shoot. I told him to make me look skinny and giggled. No comment from Mr. OTN. Obviously he was too tired to notice my new svelte figure.
Okay, so I may not be like the model on the Maidenform card but I find it incredible how much my tummy has shrunk! Will I wear this every day? Absolutely NOT! “Why not?”, you ask?
1. It is exhausting to get on.
2. It has to be unhooked and rehooked when you use the bathroom.
3. It is giving me a little bit of a backache. I wonder if corsets felt like this?
4. I really DO need to get back on a healthy eating and exercise regimen.
5. I’m not looking forward to going upstairs to get my jammies on because I have to find a way to get out of this thing. Oyyyy!
I will however enjoy wearing this for special occasions and to reign my tummy in (until I lose some of the excess around the middle) so that I can wear my cute new green sweater.
Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained ~ John Powell
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