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Finding the Happy in the Grief

January 7, 2017 by Patti 56 Comments

We lost another dog this week.  Cozy.  She was sweet, spunky, loving, needy, beautiful, anxious, and more than anything she was MY dog, who followed so closely on my heels that I often tripped over her laid-out-flat body.  As much as I loved and grieved her mama Snoopygirl, the grief I feel over Cozy is different.  More intense.  I told Mr. OTN that I think it is because of their personality differences.

Snoopygirl was a strong and independent Beagle.  She was smart and intuitive.  She sensed our moods and was always there to offer comfort. 

Cozy, on the other hand, was not so intuitive, anxious and needy from the start.  When you would reach over the dog gate to pet her she would wrap her paws around your arm and hang on for dear life.  When any of the family members would lie down she took that as a clue to climb right up on your chest where she would knead like a cat with her front paws while at the same time pressing her head into your face (sometimes a bit too hard) seeking to be as close as she could be! 

We gave Cozy the head kisses she longed for and hubby and I always equated her persistence with our own need to be persistent in pressing in for more of God.  She taught us lessons, that one.

When Cozy starting going downhill she declined quickly.  Her always wagging tail hung limp, she stopped eating as vigorously as a normal Beagle does, she lost weight, and even lost the energy to follow me from room-to-room.  Finally she stopped eating and drinking altogether and preferred to stay put on her bed in the kitchen.  We knew it was time.  On her last day we took turns holding her like a baby as she pressed her head into our shoulders receiving comfort.

I believe that the difference in the intensity of our grief is this:  Snoopygirl gave comfort, Cozy received comfort, proving the point that it is indeed more blessed to give than to receive.

We fight against pain, trying to suppress it, getting busy to forget about it.

But why do we tend to think happy is the only way?  Do we not know that happiness can be felt more intensely when we’ve experienced grief?

Some positive things about grief:

  • I consider myself blessed to have loved a dog like our little Cozy.  If we hadn’t had sixteen good years with her there would be no sadness to feel, but we also wouldn’t have happy memories to cherish.
  • I’m thankful for the things Cozy’s neediness taught me.   As Ann Voskamp says in her book, The Broken Way, “The only way to abundant life is the broken way of risk.”  We take a risk when we give our hearts away but abundance comes in giving ourselves in love.
  • Times of great sadness can also be times of great closeness to God, if we’ll seek Him.  Scripture tells us in Psalms 34:17-18 that God hears the cries of the brokenhearted and He moves in close to share in the pain.
  • I know that God can use every sad life experience for a higher purpose.  We gain understanding through experience and II Cor. 1:3-4 says that we can comfort others with the same comfort we’ve received from God.  Not only can God use our hurts as a means for us to pour into the lives of others, but when we pour out, He fills us up again so we can give some more. 

Now I know that there are other, more painful things in life than the loss of a pet (especially for those of you who may not be pet people).  Mr. OTN and I have experienced and are even now experiencing some of those “other” things, but we have come to accept that we can’t expect for life to always be happy. 

When we feel the need to pursue happiness at all costs that can lead to all sorts of other addictive behaviors . . . but that’s a post for a different time.

Know this.  It is brave and even healing to allow yourself to fully feel grief and brokenness.  Sharing that brokenness with others makes you more authentic and real.  I’d much rather be with real broken people than fake happy people.  How about you?

If you are experiencing brokenness of any kind in your life, I pray that God will speak to your heart today.  Our hope is in God alone.  He alone is perfectly faithful in love toward us .

“Don’t cry because it’s over, SMILE because it happened.”

New Year’s blessings to you my friends,

I’ve been known to link up to the following great parties!!!

Sunday:

TheDIYShowoff, LifeOnLakeshoreDrive, SilverPenniesSundays, SundaysAtHome, RusticAndRefined, Spiritual Sundays, GiveMeGrace

Monday:

IShouldBeMoppingTheFloor, TheDedicatedHouse, Dwellings, ProjectInspired,  InspireMeMonday, BetweenNapsOnThePorch, CelebrateYourStoryMaking Your Home Sing Mondays, The Beauty in His Grip What Joy is Mine/Monday Musings, Darling Downs Diaries, The Art of Homemaking,SmallWonder, LifeGivingLinkup, MomentsOfHope, Glimpses, SittingAmongFriends

Tuesday:

TalkOfTheTown, HomeStoriesAtoZ, AStrollThruLife, CoastalCharm, CozyLittleHouse, CedarHillFarmhouse, KatheWithAnE,TuesdaysAtOurHome, TheWinthropChronicles,  Rich Faith Rising Unite Linky, Testimony Tuesday,Cheerleaders of Faith,Tell His Story, IntentionalTuesday

Wednesday:

SavvySouthernStyle, TheBlissfulBee, Posed Perfection, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Word Filled Wednesdays, ChristianBloggerLinkup, Whole Hearted Home, Mom’s Morning Coffee, Women with Intention, Coffee for Your Heart, MessyMarriage, ThreeWordWednesday

Thursday:

ShareYourStyle, ImpartingGrace, EmbracingChange, HaveADailyCupOfMrsOlson, MyRepurposedLife, ADelightsomeLife, KatherinesCorner, PrettyPreppyParty,  The Deliberate Mom/Shine Blog Hop, I Choose Joy,  Live Free Thursday, Thought Provoking Thursday, PartyAtMyPlace, 100HappyDays, SincerelyPaulas, ThankfulThursdays

Friday:

FrenchCountryCottage, TheCharmOfHome, RootedInThyme,  TheDedicatedHouseAnythingBlueFriday, ShabbyliciousFriday, Sweet Inspiration,  Faith’nFriends, Missional Women Faith Filled Fridays, Dance With Jesus

Saturday:

FunkyJunkInteriors, OneMoreTimeEvents,  SaturdaySparks, TheInspirationGallery, Make My Saturday Sweet

 

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Filed Under: Christianity, Death and Loss, Dog Love, Friendship, God's Grace Tagged With: Christianity, Death and Loss, Dog Love, Dogs, Friendship, God's grace, Grief

Feeling sad . . . a Tribute to my Friends.

June 24, 2015 by Patti 22 Comments

I was going to write a happy post today.  It was going to be filled with pretty pictures of things I’ve been working on.  In it I hoped to say some witty things to make you smile.  I was actually  in the midst of mulling over what I’d say as I drove home from a trip to the happiest place on earth . . . Home Depot . . . when, Ding, Ding . . . went my phone, and the Messenger window popped open.

It was my friend, my life-long friend, letting me know that her husband had passed in his sleep on Sunday night.

I knew he hadn’t been well for a long while but still . . . it was a shock.  You see, it was only yesterday that we were mere teenagers who double dated together.  It was only yesterday that I was a bridesmaid in their  Spring wedding.  It was only yesterday when, only months later, she was to be a bridesmaid at my Winter wedding but was too embarrassed to stand up front with her pregnant belly. 🙂

Today’s post is a tribute to the life of my friends who, for the sake of privacy I’ll call:

Danny & Sandy

Danny & Sandy

Danny was nothing short of COOL!  He looked really tough . . . though he was as gentle as could be.  He had a muscle car and Levi’s and shaggy hair and a beard.  He was a big guy who road a Harley and didn’t look like someone you’d want to mess with.

Sandy was his opposite.  She was a church girl who went to beauty school, had REAL blond hair and wore pretty clothes.  She was a loving kinda gal but not a pushover by any means!

Over the years life happened and we drifted our own ways, Sandy and me.  Whenever we did get together though it was like we’d never been apart and we always shared without reservation about the various struggles and triumphs in each of our lives.

Life wasn’t perfect for Danny and Sandy.  They had, like most married couples, times where they weren’t sure they would make it. They had a bunch of babies who grew into adults, then those adult children gave them a bunch of grandbabies . . . They struggled and never gained great wealth but they had and have a family who is close and who loves deeply.

Life wasn’t perfect for me either.  I made some bad choices.  At times I opted out rather than persevere.  I think I took a little longer to grow up and settle in.  Eventually life turned around for me and became very good.  That is where I am today.

So just a couple of weeks ago, when I posted on Facebook about our adventure down to Florida to buy a painting for my dining room my friend Sandy messaged me and said,

“Painting is beautiful . . . I look at it and see you . . . You have the most amazing life Patti.”

Old Door Mirror & Dining Room Wallpaper 006

“Hahaha!,” I wrote back, “The amazing life of Patti Krank! You know me well my longest lifetime friend and you know my life is far from perfect. I have fun though and I am blessed.”

Her reply,

“Life is an amazing journey isn’t it! Trials and troubles come but when Jesus is the center of your focus He sees you thru…and then once you get on the other side of it you look back and realize his hand was on me and He was there all the time, seeing me thru…what a blessing.”

This loving message from someone watching her husband slowly die of congestive heart failure.  And Danny . . . what kind of suffering has he been going through, knowing that his time was coming to an end?  How hard it must’ve been to say goodbye to his beloved wife of forty years and his children and grandchildren.

Today, as we messaged back and forth Sandy said that she has the assurance that Danny is in heaven with the Lord.  That assurance brings peace.

So you see now, why I couldn’t write a light and happy post today.  Tears flow as I grieve for my friend’s heartbreak and this world’s loss of a wonderful husband and father . . . on Father’s Day.  I think I also grieve a bit over how short this life really is . . . because it was only yesterday . . .

I hope that in Heaven Danny is riding his Harley at full throttle, feeling strong and free in the Presence of Jesus.
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Filed Under: Christianity, Death and Loss, Freedom, God's Grace, Inspiration Tagged With: Friendship, Grief, Heaven, Jesus, Loss

OldThingsNew

I am Perfectly Imperfect Patti, daughter of the King, wife to the amazing Mr. OTN, mom to two grown daughters, a great son-in-law, and companion to two spoiled dogs. At Old Things New I share DIY’s, budget friendly home transformations, as well as posts about how God transforms our souls. I myself have been made new and I love to share what I’ve learned through WRITING and SPEAKING. To view a short Vimeo of “Our Story” (Mr. OTN and I) please follow the link at the top of the page.

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