The Write 31 Days Challenge – 31 Days,Every Day,One Topic
Day 19
(day 1 starts here)
Small bands of teenage girls huddled together along the seemingly endless row of lockers, casting sidelong glances at the lone girl, walking chin up, eyes focused forward, as if aiming toward an imaginary finish line at the end of the hallway.
Some cast knowing glances at one another. Others giggled and smirked with glee at their shared knowledge of who and what this girl was.
When she was halfway down the corridor the chanting began, quietly at first and growing in volume as others joined in.
Abortion
Abortion
Abortion
Though this daily ritual was sheer torture, and caused a sick churning in her stomach every time she entered the school’s ominous front doors, her stoic facade never wavered.
For like the Indian princess she’d pretended to be as a young child running silently through the woods – because Indian princesses never make a sound – she’d made a vow to herself from the day the taunting first began that No one would ever see that they had the power to hurt her. Click To Tweet
That vow would carry forward for decades to come.
That girl of course was me, and Abortion became my name.
From the end of my junior year in high school and all through my senior year the taunting continued. It was a time that should’ve been filled with dreams, as I planned my future, visited colleges, and hung out with friends. But for me, it was a nightmare.
I spoke early on in my story of how I was bullied as a teenager but I didn’t share the details of this, my most traumatic experience of all.
We moved a lot during my teen years and because I was shy it was hard for me to make friends. I was always quick to find boyfriends though as my heart was eager for love.
The boyfriend here, the father of the child, was my only friend at this new school and the only one I spent time with. He had his own group of friends though and after having the abortion I took into confidence one of the girls in his circle. With a beer or two in my belly and a need to get it off my chest I shared with her what I’d done.
Bad idea. I was prone to them when I was young. Click To Tweet
Of course, it wasn’t long before the entire school knew. The first time it happened I arrived home in tears and told my mom everything. Her response wasn’t at all what I expected, as she reacted in anger that I’d opened my mouth. It had been our secret. She had warned me when she set it all up that I wasn’t to tell anyone, especially not my dad.
I don’t blame my mom for her response. Ours was a family that didn’t air our dirty laundry and she didn’t realize how much her lack of support hurt me. I felt betrayed but I also tended to agree with her that it was all my fault for being so stupid as to think that I could trust anyone, especially a female.
My senior year in high school was spent avoiding lunch in the cafeteria, skipping class as often as I could get away with it, forging notes to the attendance office, slacking off on my school work, and rather than applying to colleges, deciding that school was NOT FOR ME. It terrified me!
After graduating I left that part of my life behind forever and moved on, stuffing the secret deep inside and putting on a mask of perfection in hopes that people would like me.
Do you wonder why I started this chapter writing in third person? Because for a long time I chose to erase that girl from my life. She was shameful, dirty, bad and unlovable.
Sad? Yes, I’m sad for that girl too, but God has spoken sweet healing to her heart. Thank you Jesus.
One final NOTE here: I had my abortion in June of 1973, the same year that abortions became legal in the United States. I find it ironic that one day I was in church and asking my mom what this abortion thing was that everyone was buzzing about and within months I was learning what it was first hand. Ironic and sad. If interested, you can read my full Abortion Story HERE.
Tomorrow is already Day 19 in this Write 31 Days series. I’ll return then with Forgiving Others.
Thank you all for reading,
As always, I’d appreciate you sharing this series if it might help someone else. 😉
I’ve been known to link up to the following great parties:
Sunday:
SundaysAtHome, LifeOnLakeshoreDrive, SilverPenniesSundays, RusticAndRefined, Spiritual Sundays
Monday:
IShouldBeMoppingTheFloor, TheDedicatedHouse, Dwellings, ProjectInspired, InspireMeMonday, CelebrateYourStory, What Joy is Mine/Monday Musings, Darling Downs Diaries, The Art of Homemaking, MomentsOfHope, Glimpses, SittingAmongFriends, InspireMeMonday, GodSizedDreams
Tuesday:
TalkOfTheTown, HomeStoriesAtoZ, AStrollThruLife, CoastalCharm, CedarHillFarmhouse, TuesdaysAtOurHome, TheWinthropChronicles, Rich Faith Rising Unite Linky, Testimony Tuesday,Cheerleaders of Faith,Tell His Story
Wednesday:
SavvySouthernStyle, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Word Filled Wednesdays, Coffee for Your Heart, MessyMarriage, ThreeWordWednesday, WriterWednesday
Thursday:
ShareYourStyle, ImpartingGrace, EmbracingChange, HaveADailyCupOfMrsOlson, MyRepurposedLife, ADelightsomeLife, KatherinesCorner, Thought Provoking Thursday, SincerelyPaulas, ThoughtfulThursday, Tune-inThursday
Friday:
FrenchCountryCottage, TheCharmOfHome, TheDedicatedHouseAnythingBlueFriday, ShabbyliciousFriday, Faith’nFriends, Dance With Jesus FreshMarketFriday
Saturday:
FunkyJunkInteriors, SaturdaySparks, TheInspirationGallery, Make My Saturday Sweet
Patti, I’m so sorry you had to go through that! This is one of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard but honestly, it doesn’t surprise me. Something about high school girls…they can be wonderful and generous but they can also be competitive and mean. I admire you so much for sharing your story. You’ve touched on a subject that is hard for women and common. You encourage others, my friend. Thank you.
Dear Stacey. Thank you so much for your encouragement as I write this story. It’s been somewhat of a challenge. Not because it hurts to write it because God has done such a healing and brought such joy into my life. More because I’ve lost quite a few followers along the way. I guess when you go from sharing pretty pictures to sharing hard words the Hallmark movie people will change the channel! Haha! God has called me to share this now though and I pray that He will use my story to bring hope and healing to others. He is an amazing God we serve isn’t He?
How brave you are to share your story. I too have my own abortion story of brokenness and redemption. We forget about those who suffer post abortion pain following abortion, and how it effects our lives. Our Father is really amazing. How He runs to us with open arms, and does not label us and turn away. He is an awesome God. Blessings to you for sharing.
Thank you Theresa. I’m sad you’ve been through the same thing but God is indeed good to redeem the wasted years of our lives and bring us full healing!
I am so proud of you …and Theresa… thank you both for sharing… much love to you and the courage it takes to do what’s best for yourself
I’m so sad you had to go through all that feeling alone. Bless you for sharing your story and I’m sure it will help others that have been through it.
That’s my prayer Julie. I hope to show the joy that can come out of the sadness! Blessings to you.
Patty, I am so sorry for all you endured as the pain was deep on so many levels. I am so grateful our God heals our wounds. You bravely and beautifully shared your story and I pray it helps at least one, if not many, to also find healing. Blessings!
I am praying the SAME Joanne! Thank you 🙂
I’m so sorry you went through this, Patti. I unfortunately have a very similar story from my high school years. God spoke that “sweet healing” into my heart over the years as well. But back in those days, life was torturous. Much love to you and thank you for sharing this important story here.
I didn’t know that about you Candace and I’m so sorry you had to go through a similar pain. I’m sure that God has used that pain to minister to others though because that is just how our Father is. So amazing. Much love back to you my friend.
Your story is heart-wrenching yet filled with such hope and uplifting notes of God’s healing and redemption. Thank you for your courage and transparency. You are a blessing.
Thank you SO much Carlie! God longs to use our stories for the benefit of others and I’m thankful that He’s brought me to a place where I can freely share. Blessings to you!
What a powerful story! I’m sorry you had to endure the unkindness of your peers. Thank you for your bravery in telling your story – what a testimony! God is so good and His grace is so full and redeeming.
God is so good indeed! Thank you Penny 🙂