Day 11

The Write 31 Day Challenge – 31 Days,Every Day,One Topic

We were attending church on a pretty regular basis for over a year when word came that Pastor John and Nancy were being called to plant a church in Frisco, Texas. It was hard to lose them because we loved them so much, but Nathan and Rose, a couple we’d bonded with at the church camp out (when they invited us into their motorhome and served us coffee with at least 6 choices of creamer!), became the new leaders of the church. 🙂

It wasn’t long before Pastor Nathan gave Kelly the opportunity to share his recovery story in church services, which was great! Except for . . .

As he shared his story I felt resentment rising up within me. I was upset because I felt that it wasn’t just his story.

Didn't I get some credit for standing by my man and suffering through the whole mess with him? Click To Tweet

Maybe this should’ve been my clue that I needed some recovery of my own. 😉

Over time, Kelly chose to close his private practice and took a position as a Hospitalist in a nearby city. His new hospital work schedule was rough, with 12+ hour days, and he couldn’t go to church with me as often, but he continued to go to a lot of AA and NA meetings. I felt jealous at times that his meetings seemed to be more important to him than I was, and maybe even more important than God. But at least I had a sober husband.

The new job was a blessing financially. We were both making more money than we ever had before and finances weren’t as tight. He bought his first new car in years, a sporty little thing that was the envy of all my daughter’s friends.

Midlife crisis yeah?

Kelly’s new job, and the upcoming high school graduation of my youngest daughter, meant the opportunity for a new start, far away from the scene of so many of our “crimes.” We began searching for a lake house in Olympia, about 50 miles south, and started getting excited that we would soon fulfill our dream of living on a lake.

We had another dream as well (although maybe at this point it was more mine than his). Among the friends we’d made at family week during Kelly’s time in treatment, ours was the only marriage that had survived. That was because, even as shaky as it was, we had faith in the true high power. I began to dream about how we could share our story with others and offer them hope in the wait for their own miracle.

Beneath my dream of helping others ran an undercurrent of worry. With his intense work schedule, Kelly had taken to isolating in our bedroom whenever he was at home and I felt like I was being shut out of his life. It frightened me, and I wondered,

What in the world was happening to my husband? Click To Tweet

Looking back I can see how naive I was in thinking we had something solid to offer others. At that point our marriage was more patched than it was healed and any hope we had to share was wobbly, to say the least. At the same time,

God DID have a plan and a purpose for us and the enemy was about to pull out all the stops to prevent that plan from happening. Click To Tweet

At the beginning of 2004 we purchased our lake home which we then rented back to the owner through June so that our youngest daughter could finish her senior year. Meanwhile Kelly transferred to an Olympia hospital and took out a 6 month lease on an apartment there so he wouldn’t have to make the 100+ miles round trip commute when working 12 hour days.

Now he was only home half of the month and when he was away we were both busy. Long work days for him, and for me, working and getting our house ready to sell meant that we only spoke a few times a week by phone.

The enemy took this opportunity to come knocking. Click To Tweet

Kelly’s sponsor in AA, who was single and quite handsome in the opinion of my daughter and her friends, enjoyed spending time with our family and had been around our house quite a bit during Kelly’s four years of recovery.

With Kelly out of town for days at a time his sponsor took to stopping by to “check in.” He voiced to me some irritation that Kelly hadn’t been returning his calls and hadn’t followed through on meetings with him since taking this new job.

I hear ya’ buddy!

In his exasperation he had no qualms about pointing out the negative traits of my husband, and telling me that Kelly didn’t realize what a good wife he had. He communicated to me on multiple occasions his opinion that I was being neglected, thus feeding into my already insecure state.

His sponsor also freely shared his admiration of my character and gushed compliments over my amazing daughters. One day he said flat out that he wished he had a family like ours for himself. If I hadn’t been working at renewing my long lost walk with the Lord, his attention might have been flattering. Instead, I was quick to stop his attention by no longer answering the door when he showed up.

In the midst of all that craziness, and on a night when Kelly was staying overnight in his Olympia apartment, I was sound sleep in bed when I was awakened by a Voice. With urgency the voice said, “Pray for your marriage.” I didn’t know what was happening with my husband but I knew this to be a warning from God. I began to pray . . .