How do I begin after reading so many welcoming comments on I’m Baaaaack . . .?
Here we are in our beautiful new lake home. A dream come true.
One would think life has been glorious right? And in fact, in spite of people’s warnings, the building process was quite wonderful and fun and exciting. It was also what saved me, on so many days, from falling into complete despair.
You see, while building there was a multitude of other “stuff” happening in our world. Sickness, death, breakups, broken hearts, and other bizarre events. You all know it. Life hits all of us hard at times. Click To Tweet
Those following on Facebook might have seen some of this, especially a few months ago when I was thousands of miles from home and my husband called to say he was driving himself to the hospital. MUCH prayer followed from all over the country and what was his near death became his healing. Some may doubt the idea of a miraculous healing but we are certain that the prayers of friends are what spared his life.
Other events were never shared. They were too private. Some weren’t even shared with my closest friends because they were so painful. Yes, I do know better than to isolate but, well, there you have it, another one of my favorite character defects.
“Why Lord,” I cried, “have we had to endure so much these past couple of years?” My once brave heart failed me and I was broken over the sufferings of those I love.
Self talk said: Put on a happy face. Be a blessing, not a burden. Old habits of perfectionism and self-sufficiency die hard. Click To Tweet
Feeble prayers fell limp at my feet.
Self-condemnation set in. “Look at you Mrs. Old Things New, writer of hope and freedom. What do you have to offer? You can’t even save yourself!” And for the first time in many years I set my Bible aside, along with my journal, and retreated inside myself. Just me and Pinterest and the planning of our new home. There I lost myself.
I felt unable to pull myself out of these feelings of depression. Depression. That unacceptable-for-church-folk D word! Click To TweetThough it wouldn’t likely be classified as clinical depression I discerned what it was. Spiritual depression. A dry place. A lonely wilderness.
When I finally confessed to my husband how bad things had become for me he was taken by surprise. Why? His very demanding job, work on the house every moment he was off, and then weeks lost to sickness. That’s all 😉 He recommitted to praying daily over me.
That same morning we heard a message at our new church entitled Spiritual Deserts and Hope began to stir.
I knew what I needed to do, what I’d needed to do all along. I dug out my Bible and journal from the moving box marked “IMPORTANT PAPERWORK” (true confession) and recommitted myself to reading, journaling, and praying daily. And as each day passed I found my passion for the things of God returning. I was able to let the pain I was carrying go, knowing and believing that God will take care of those I love the most in all the world because He loves them more.
This post has gone long (in spite of my editing and chopping 200 or so words) so I’ll leave you with a song that speaks exactly to where I’ve been. Perhaps it will speak to you too.
These last several weeks of pressing in to God’s word and journaling my prayers have turned my life back around. My JOY is back and I’m looking forward to a new call and the new season before me.
“When I thought I’d lost me, He knew where I left me, He reintroduced me to His love.”
He always does. He always will. Again and again and again . . .
I love and appreciate y’all so much.
Blessings,
(the perfectly imperfect)
I’ve been known to link up to the following great parties!!!
Sunday:
SundaysAtHome, TheDIYShowoff, LifeOnLakeshoreDrive, SilverPenniesSundays, RusticAndRefined, Spiritual Sundays
Monday:
IShouldBeMoppingTheFloor, TheDedicatedHouse, Dwellings, ProjectInspired, InspireMeMonday, BetweenNapsOnThePorch, CelebrateYourStory, What Joy is Mine/Monday Musings, Darling Downs Diaries, The Art of Homemaking, MomentsOfHope, Glimpses, SittingAmongFriends, InspireMeMonday, GodSizedDreams
Tuesday:
TalkOfTheTown, HomeStoriesAtoZ, AStrollThruLife, CoastalCharm, CedarHillFarmhouse, TuesdaysAtOurHome, TheWinthropChronicles, Rich Faith Rising Unite Linky, Testimony Tuesday,Cheerleaders of Faith,Tell His Story
Wednesday:
SavvySouthernStyle, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Word Filled Wednesdays, Coffee for Your Heart, MessyMarriage, ThreeWordWednesday, WriterWednesday
Thursday:
ShareYourStyle, ImpartingGrace, EmbracingChange, HaveADailyCupOfMrsOlson, MyRepurposedLife, ADelightsomeLife, KatherinesCorner, Thought Provoking Thursday, SincerelyPaulas, ThoughtfulThursday, Tune-inThursday
Friday:
FrenchCountryCottage, TheCharmOfHome, TheDedicatedHouseAnythingBlueFriday, ShabbyliciousFriday, Sweet Inspiration, Faith’nFriends, Missional Women Faith Filled Fridays, Dance With Jesus FreshMarketFriday
Saturday:
FunkyJunkInteriors, OneMoreTimeEvents, SaturdaySparks, TheInspirationGallery, Make My Saturday Sweet
Thank you for sharing your heart…and that beautiful song. Perfect timing.❤️
I am coming out of a spiritual desert at this time. I am so grateful when I turn to my Lord he gives me what I need. Thank you for sharing.
Oh, Patti. I think I have an inkling of your struggle, maybe more. I’m thankful God doesn’t see depression as a bad-for-church-folk kind of word. Your transparency is inspiring, my friend.
Beautiful blog; Rita Springer – Defender❤️
Patti, Patti, Patti. What could I have done? I was so busy in my own world I didn’t know yours was falling apart. I haven’t known you long – but I love you lots. xo
Thank you for this post. This is exactly where I am. I need to get out my Bible and start back my relationship back with Jesus, the H.S. and God. I’ve let it fall to the side due to wondering if I’ll always be in this position and never getting out of it. I know the end is near and change is in my near future, but until then I need to pull out my Word, Sword and do as it instructs me to do. To speak the Word, to act on His Word and thank Him again for what He is doing and going to do in my life and to never let go of it no matter how it looks or feels. Thank you so much!
I am a widow and my sons have their lives so there are times when i don’t see them, migraine times, i feel a little down and lonely. I have to keep telling myself ” God i know you are there and you love me just help me make it through.” Sometimes it almost seems like He gives me a hug and makes me smile and i am better in a couple of days. I am sorry you were going through some rough times but it is good you are back. Show us your home.
Patti, I am glad you are back! I’m sorry the way has been trying and sad. Have you read “Hinds Feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard? Every time I have read it, I was captivated by the Shores of Loneliness (one of the chapters in the book). Happy to see your beautiful, new home! Have a lovely rest of the week! Hugs! Kathryn @TheDedicatedHouse
Vulnerable and authentic and beautiful, Patti. So glad the Lord has sustained you through it all and that you’re back and you joy is too. 🙂
Your husband’s response reminds me to be more aware of what’s going on under my own roof. Thanks, Patti, for owning all the hard parts of your recent journey and for trusting for grace to fight your way back to faith!
A most beautiful post ~ thank you for your sharing a piece of your heart.
Wow. I can only imagine the anguish Rita went through to bring her to write these words and then to sing them! Powerful, Patti!
I LOVE the word DEFENDER! Jesus truly is my Defender and I want to remember to use that when I have the opportunity to share who He is to me.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Been there and done that myself, way too many times….He does love them more and He will take care of it.
Love you.
Isn’t it funny that when we need to be in the Word the most is often when we set it aside. Thanks for sharing how you got back on track.
And you are so right about the “D” word and church folk! – And about remembering He loves our loved ones so very much more than we do. We can trust Him with them.
He definitely heals and there is hope for overcoming depression, and yes, some things, are too personal to share, but I am glad you are back.
I so appreciate your honesty, Patti! We all can experiences these times in our lives, either for short periods or for extended stays. I’m glad that you have a husband who would pray over you, a God who would send you just the message you needed to hear, and a faith to reach back into the disciplines that refreshed your soul. Blessings to you, friend.
I so appreciate your honesty. Praying for God to return your joy in this next season of life. Loved the song and have another song for you to look up; you probably know it already but it is called GRACE GOT YOU by MERCY ME. Look up the lyrics. They are amazing! Play it every day because it is catchy and you can’t help but sing and move in tune to it. So good when I need cheering up; and I’ll bet you might feel the same. You can find it on You Tube with the words.
Hi Patti,
I understand & empathize, all I can say is… me too! Praise Him He finds us & waters our wilderness’!
You’re most welcome to drop by for a cuppa,
Jennifer
Love you dear kady!
“I was able to let the pain I was carrying go, knowing and believing that God will take care of those I love the most in all the world because He loves them more.” THIS. This was such a big step, Patti! It’s so hard, yet it gives us so much freedom. {{big hugs}} I’m so happy to hear you’ve kicked the door open and are back to flying. xo
Our spiritual deserts are such fertile ground for God to work in fresh ways and I’m glad you experienced His love for you and his comfort through it all. Thank you this encouragement as we all face deserts which require pressing in and surrendering all. And welcome back!
All I can say is thanks for the transparency…I needed to read this today..
Thank you for sharing something so personal. It is easy to retreat inside ourselves. I know and have done it myself. Your vulnerability shows me I am not alone in suffering from anxiety and going through a wilderness time. Thank you for sharing your words at #TellHisStory. I love that you writing again.
These times are times to pray without ceasing. He will always listen to our prayers.
Patty, thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry. I understand having struggled with depression for MANY years. It’s amazing how when we share honestly from our heart, how many other people needed to hear your message; they are not alone; there is hope through Jesus!!