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My Mother-in-Law was not Just a Sweet Old Lady

July 21, 2017 by Patti 59 Comments

We lost my mother-in-law last week.  She was 98-years-old so people expect that she was probably in poor health, but in reality the end came quickly.  Only three weeks before she entered the hospital she took the bus to a doctor’s appointment all alone.  She had offers of help but – no thank you.  She was a woman who, when she made up her mind to do something, was going to do it!

 If you’ve ever heard me talk about my MIL over the years it was to say that she was the best MIL a girl could have.  She never competed, never judged, never demanded anything for herself.  She was thankful that I was married to her son.

Queen for a day and yet, my MIL never tried to be the center of attention.

This is the family’s own Queen Elizabeth, or Betty, at our annual fourth of July party three years ago.  You might look at this picture and assume she was a sweet old lady but my mother-in-law?  She was so much more.

Betty was a stay-at-home mom with her five boys (yes FIVE),  completed an English degree once they were raised, and then began her second career.  A career that lasted well into her seventies.  She didn’t tell anyone at the junior high where she worked how old she was because, well, it was really none of their business now was it?

My MIL was well read.  She loved reading a variety of things, everything from history to recipe books. My husband says that when the other kids in the neighborhood were eating mac ‘n cheese their family was taste testing exotic food items didn’t grace most people’s tables in the 1950s and 60s.

My MIL was very smart.  She was known for taking the opposite side of an argument just for the sake of debate, whether or not she believed in the argument she was making.

My MIL was concerned about equality for all people and she never said an unkind word about anyone.  She wouldn’t hear one either.

A 4th of July celebration at our old house, three years ago. All but one of the boys was able to be there.

My MIL’s family was her everything.  She loved her five boys, their wives, her grandchildren-including those who were grands by marriage. She treated all equally and always wanted to know the latest news about them.

My MIL was tough.  She had all of the typical old age aches and pains but she never complained. She asked instead, after the welfare of others.


My MIL was independent.  She refused to be bothered with suggestions that they move into assisted living. They continued to live in their senior community without help at 97 and 98 years of age.   Yes, my FIL Jack was the younger man 😉

My MIL had a strong faith from childhood.  She knew where she would be on the day she would leave this earth.

Painted by Betty Schindler in 1939. She was 17-years-old.

My MIL had intuition.  During her last days at home, before she was taken to the hospital, she told my FIL not to go too far or be gone too long when he ventured out from their apartment. She sensed that “something might happen” while he was gone.

My MIL was patient.  She slipped into an unresponsive state in the final few days at the hospital but people kept talking to her and telling her that there were family members still on their way to see her.  She held on until all that could make it had arrived.

My MIL was private.  I talked to my niece-in-law on the phone the last day and told her that sometimes people need permission to let go.  Stacey agreed and said that she would probably pass when the voices around her became quiet.  She did.  When all the family left for dinner that evening, she quietly passed with her husband of 76 years by her side.  This was as it was meant to be.

Sweet.  What does that mean?  My MIL was kind, caring, pleasant, smart, and engaging.  But her strength of character made her far more than just a “sweet old lady.”

I’m sad I’ll never see her again but I’m pretty sure she’s had a nice reunion with my mom, and she’s met my dad by now too.  I know that in the flash of a moment (because that’s what life is) I will see them all again.  Until then, I’m thankful for the role she played in my life.  She will be missed.

Thank  you for listening to my heart today.

Blessings,

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Filed Under: Ageing Gracefully, Death and Loss, Freedom, Inspiration, My Husband Tagged With: Ageing gracefully, Death and Loss, Freedom, Friendship, Inspiration

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Comments

  1. hopeful50 says

    July 21, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    I AM SO HAPPY you shared this today. What a wonderful woman. WOW.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 22, 2017 at 5:40 am

      She really was a wonderful woman Susan. I hit the jackpot in more ways than one (Mr. OTN) when I married into this family. I’m happy you got to catch a glimpse of her here. Love you sweet friend.

      Reply
    • Patti says

      July 22, 2017 at 5:56 am

      Thank you Susan. I wish you could’ve had the opportunity to meet her. I hit the jackpot when I married into this family 🙂

      Reply
  2. francetaste says

    July 21, 2017 at 2:16 pm

    My condolences for the loss of Betty. It sounds as if she lived her life to the fullest. This is a lovely tribute.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 22, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      Thank you for the condolences. She truly did live a full life and we’ll miss her terribly.

      Reply
  3. PJ says

    July 21, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    What a beautiful post about a special woman. I think having 5 boys did something to help make her the mom she was. God doesn’t give that job to wimps.
    Thanks for sharing about your mother in law and I hope to meet her some day. 🙂

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      You are so right about my MIL not being a wimp PJ. Notice that God only gave me girls! It is a rough job but she raised five great boys. Thanks friend.

      Reply
  4. Tammy Karasek says

    July 21, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    What a tender tribute to your Mother-in-law. Hugs and blessings to you and Mr. OTN. Love you.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:46 pm

      Thank you so much Tammy. You and Kelly have both had this experience of losing a mom this past year so blessings right back at ya’. Love and hugs <3

      Reply
  5. Veronica says

    July 21, 2017 at 3:27 pm

    Beautifully written Patti, you and the family are in my thoughts and prayers during this time.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:47 pm

      Thank you for that Veronica. It is appreciated more than you know. Hugs.

      Reply
  6. Janet Parker says

    July 21, 2017 at 5:01 pm

    You were remarkably blessed to be a daughter to this wonderful lady! May you be blessed with comfort. Joy and precious memories.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:49 pm

      Yes I was and am Janet. Thank you for your kind words.

      Reply
  7. Vickie says

    July 21, 2017 at 5:09 pm

    Kind words. Thanks for sharing about your MIL and her life – how blessed you all were to have her.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:52 pm

      Thank you Vickie.

      Reply
  8. Sherry No Minimalist Here says

    July 21, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    Patti, This is a wonderful tribute to your MIL. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:53 pm

      I really appreciate that Sherry. I know you’ve had a similar loss so your words mean a lot to me.

      Reply
  9. melinda says

    July 21, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    So sorry for loss….glad you had a good relationship with her. It means a lot to have a caring MIL… I lost mine some time ago,and I really missed our little phone calls at certain times of the day. Will pray for you and your husband.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      Thank you Melinda. I appreciate this.

      Reply
  10. Kelly Murray says

    July 21, 2017 at 9:26 pm

    Patti, You’ve touched my heart, once again. I have a sweet MIL too, and as her memory begins to slip away, I’m reminded of all the strengths she’s shown me all these years. I have always said if I can be half the Mother-in-law that she has to the spouses of my children it would be enough. Sorry for your and Kelly’s loss, but thank you for sharing your heart.
    Kelly

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      Thank you my friend. Love you <3

      Reply
  11. Sharon H says

    July 21, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    Wow. That was was beautiful, Patti. Makes me wanna be like her when I grow up. What a legacy she has left for you all. What a blessing to have been part of her family! Thank you for sharing your heart today…it’s a lovely one.
    Muah

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      You have the loveliest heart of all Sharon. Thank you.

      Reply
  12. Michele Morin says

    July 22, 2017 at 8:18 am

    I love every word of this, and as a mum of a mere four boys, I’d love to have met her and compared notes and gotten what I’m sure would have been great advice. So sorry for your loss, but ecstatic over her gain. And yours, too — my MIL was a gem too, and that’s not a small thing to be thankful for! Ma has been in heaven for over 15 years now, and I still miss her.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:58 pm

      Thank you dear Michele. I can’t even imagine the patience it took to raise five boys. God knew I couldn’t handle even one boy so he blessed me with daughters. I do have a wonderful son-in-law though. Blessings to you sweet friend.

      Reply
  13. carol says

    July 22, 2017 at 8:23 am

    What a wonderful tribute to a great lady. I bet she felt blessed to have you as a DIL.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 4:59 pm

      I sure hope she did Carol. Thank you for your kind words.

      Reply
  14. teddeegrace says

    July 22, 2017 at 11:28 am

    Your mother-in-law sounds like such a wonderful person! We should all strive to follow her example.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      You are so right Teddee. Thank you.

      Reply
  15. Marlene Stephenson says

    July 22, 2017 at 2:25 pm

    Thank you Patti I am thankful you truly cared about her. Sometimes women don’t always get a long but, it is so much easier when they can. Sounds like you made some wonderful memories to remember, certain times when you are feeling blue to ponder on. God blesses us in so many ways, shows how much he loves us.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      Yes He does Marlene! He amazes me <3

      Reply
  16. Pam Richardson says

    July 23, 2017 at 6:39 am

    Patti, what a beautiful post about your MIL. She was a beautiful lady and I know she will be greatly missed. But to have the assurance that you will see her again makes the loss bearable! Hugs and prayers for your family!

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 5:04 pm

      That makes all the difference in the world. Thank you Pam.

      Reply
  17. Leslie Ann Hoyt says

    July 23, 2017 at 9:08 am

    Patti, she and my Gram (my father’s mom) could have been bffs!
    I’ll tell ya all about it, soon!
    They had TONS in common.
    Hugs for your and Mr. OTN hearts and I can’t wait to meet her someday, too!

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      I can hardly wait to hear. I don’t think you’ve told me about her before. SOON, and HUGS back!

      Reply
  18. Sandra @ Maison De Jardin says

    July 23, 2017 at 3:32 pm

    Patti: So very sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you were blessed beyond measure to know and have this lady in your life. You paid her a beautiful tribute.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      Thank you dear Sandra. I was and still am blessed indeed.

      Reply
  19. Kathryn Griffin says

    July 23, 2017 at 6:52 pm

    Patti, what a wonderful post! What a lovely woman!! I know you will miss her. Thank you for sharing your heart with us! Hugs!

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 5:07 pm

      Thank YOU Kathryn.

      Reply
  20. Jeanie says

    July 24, 2017 at 8:48 am

    What a beautiful tribute to your mother in law. She sounds like she was a wonderful person and played an important role in her families life (as it should be). Hugs & prayers go out to you & the family. ❤❤❤

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 5:08 pm

      Thank you so much Jeanie.

      Reply
  21. Nellie says

    July 24, 2017 at 11:11 am

    Hi Patti,
    Sorry to hear about your lovely mother-in-laws passing…………she lived a really long and amazing life.
    It is so refreshing to hear a daughter-in-law so esteem her MIL…….loved reading this….it was encouraging
    and uplifting…….she is the type of MIL that I aspire to be…….
    Isn’t it wonderful to know that even tho we miss them here…..it is only temporary and that we will have
    all of eternity to spend with them, and if the relationship here were not that good, they will be perfect in
    heaven, as everything is perfect there……….

    Have a lovely week,
    Blessings,
    Nellie

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 25, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      Thank you Nellie. I’m sure you will be just that type of MIL to your children’s spouses. It will be a great reunion in Heaven to be sure. Blessings back to you.

      Reply
  22. Jodie says

    July 28, 2017 at 8:14 am

    Patti—it was so nice to read about your MIL!! What a wonderful woman with oomph!!
    Reading about her reminds me of my mother (the 70+ model on my blog) in some ways—was she German?? We laugh that my mother is a stubborn German–in a good way, of course!!
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 30, 2017 at 6:34 am

      Oh yes Jodie, she was German AND Irish! Quite a combination of stubborn genes 🙂 I’m Irish on my dad’s side so I can relate. Haha!

      Reply
  23. debbieputman says

    July 28, 2017 at 8:19 am

    What an inspiration. Thank you for sharing about this light shining for Jesus in every way she could.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 30, 2017 at 6:37 am

      Ahhh, thank you Debbie 🙂

      Reply
  24. Terri says

    July 28, 2017 at 9:45 am

    What a beautiful… beautiful “Life” story… What precious and amazing memories !!! Thank you so much for sharing her story so vividly and the pictures are wonderful !!! Inspiring!!

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 30, 2017 at 6:39 am

      Thank you for taking the time to comment and leave such a lovely message Terri. I appreciate it so much.

      Reply
  25. At Rivercrest Cottage says

    July 28, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    Your sweet tribute to your mother-in-law makes me feel I missed the opportunity to meet one heck of a lady. I hope I am able to live free like her until I’m ready to meet my maker.

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 30, 2017 at 7:28 am

      The most important quality is integrity. She was a woman of character AND integrity. Thank you Sugar.

      Reply
  26. Shannon says

    July 29, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    What a wonderful tribute, Patti. It sounds like she was an amazing woman.
    My mother-in-law is visiting us this weekend. She, too, is wonderful–generous, accepting, kind, hard-working, and wise. Your loss is a great reminder to me to treasure each day I have with my “bonus mom.”
    Grace as you mourn her loss in the coming weeks!

    Reply
    • Patti says

      July 30, 2017 at 7:30 am

      I love that you call your MIL your “bonus mom.” Have a great weekend with her and give her a hug from me. <3

      Reply
  27. Jann Olson says

    August 1, 2017 at 12:15 am

    Oh Patti, what an amazing woman! Just looking at her you can tell that she had a lot of spunk. What a blessing to have had her in your life!! Thanks for sharing with SYC.
    hugs,
    Jann

    Reply
    • Patti says

      August 1, 2017 at 5:54 am

      Thank YOU Jann 🙂

      Reply
  28. Sherry says

    August 2, 2017 at 5:44 pm

    I am sorry for your loss Patti. How wonderful a tribute to your MIL.Thanks for sharing at Home Sweet Home!

    Reply
    • Patti says

      August 4, 2017 at 6:11 am

      Thank you Sherry. I appreciate that so much.

      Reply
  29. richellaparham says

    August 3, 2017 at 9:31 am

    What a wonderful tribute to this amazing woman! So inspiring. You were blessed to have her as your mother-in-law, and she was blessed to have you as daughter-in-law.

    It’s so cool to think of her now being reunited with loved ones who’ve preceded her in passing. I like to think of my mom getting to know her. 🙂 I look forward to meeting her myself!

    Reply
    • Patti says

      August 4, 2017 at 6:20 am

      Won’t it be fun to reunite with those we’ve lost and meet the other saints as well? I’m ready! As soon as my work here is finished 🙂

      Reply

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I am Perfectly Imperfect Patti, daughter of the King, wife to the amazing Mr. OTN, mom to two grown daughters, a great son-in-law, and companion to two spoiled dogs. At Old Things New I share DIY’s, budget friendly home transformations, as well as posts about how God transforms our souls. I myself have been made new and I love to share what I’ve learned through WRITING and SPEAKING. To view a short Vimeo of “Our Story” (Mr. OTN and I) please follow the link at the top of the page.

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