I saw a sight so strange and experienced something so amazing that it is hard for me to explain it. If you can give me a few minutes, I’ll do my best to describe it to you.
“There is nothing I can say to make you feel better.”
These words were a jolt to my heart.
I was pleading with someone dear to me about the poor choices she was making, telling her I wished she’d get help, how much she’s hurting those around her, how terribly my own heart breaks for her.
Shock came at the thought that perhaps she was telling me she had no intention of stopping her self-destructive behavior, which left me despairing and absorbed in my own pain.
I find it interesting that when we become vulnerable enough to “confess” to something we’ve done, all kinds of people come out of the woodwork to confess the same thing. I find that:
Lately I’ve been surprised to hear how many people have been kicked out of, or more politely stated, “disfellowshipped,” from church. I can understand a person’s hesitancy to share this detail about their lives as there is usually some reason for this practice. It is something I myself was ashamed of for many years.…
Have you ever felt like you’re going round and round in circles, working hard but accomplishing little? I think we all feel that way at times. That’s when it can be a good thing to take a look back to see that you really have made some forward progress. My blogging life sort of fizzled out toward the end of 2016 but looking back I find myself encouraged by these things that I DID accomplish. …
We lost another dog this week. Cozy. She was sweet, spunky, loving, needy, beautiful, anxious, and more than anything she was MY dog, who followed so closely on my heels that I often tripped over her laid-out-flat body. As much as I loved and grieved her mama Snoopygirl, the grief I feel over Cozy is different. More intense. I told Mr. OTN that I think it is because of their personality differences.
Snoopygirl was a strong and independent Beagle. She was smart and intuitive. She sensed our moods and was always there to offer comfort.
Cozy, on the other hand, was not so intuitive, anxious and needy from the start. When you would reach over the dog gate to pet her she would wrap her paws around your arm and hang on for dear life. When any of the family members would lie down she took that as a clue to climb right up on your chest where she would knead like a cat with her front paws while at the same time pressing her head into your face (sometimes a bit too hard) seeking to be as close as she could be!
We gave Cozy the head kisses she longed for and hubby and I always equated her persistence with our own need to be persistent in pressing in for more of God. She taught us lessons, that one.
When Cozy starting going downhill she declined quickly. Her always wagging tail hung limp, she stopped eating as vigorously as a normal Beagle does, she lost weight, and even lost the energy to follow me from room-to-room. Finally she stopped eating and drinking altogether and preferred to stay put on her bed in the kitchen. We knew it was time. On her last day we took turns holding her like a baby as she pressed her head into our shoulders receiving comfort.
I believe that the difference in the intensity of our grief is this: Snoopygirl gave comfort, Cozy received comfort, proving the point that it is indeed more blessed to give than to receive.
We fight against pain, trying to suppress it, getting busy to forget about it.
But why do we tend to think happy is the only way? Do we not know that happiness can be felt more intensely when we’ve experienced grief?
Some positive things about grief:
Now I know that there are other, more painful things in life than the loss of a pet (especially for those of you who may not be pet people). Mr. OTN and I have experienced and are even now experiencing some of those “other” things, but we have come to accept that we can’t expect for life to always be happy.
When we feel the need to pursue happiness at all costs that can lead to all sorts of other addictive behaviors . . . but that’s a post for a different time.
Know this. It is brave and even healing to allow yourself to fully feel grief and brokenness. Sharing that brokenness with others makes you more authentic and real. I’d much rather be with real broken people than fake happy people. How about you?
If you are experiencing brokenness of any kind in your life, I pray that God will speak to your heart today. Our hope is in God alone. He alone is perfectly faithful in love toward us .
New Year’s blessings to you my friends,
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